out with the old, in with the new

So my summer has been fairly meaningless haha well not totally, got to work on the set of Leverage which is being filmed here. Super fun, but also superrr long tiring days! Gah, I can see now why so many directors look so old! haha

In other news, still working at BKI for the time while going to school. We lost our really rad manager the other week and people have been bummed. I'm sure he will go on to bigger and better things no less, he's a natural at what he does. From what I hear our new manger is going to be female! She's come to us from American Apparel, which is cool seeing as I am also an alumni from that company. My bud and co-worker Korina is also leaving the store! sad days! :[ haha She is grabbing the bull by the horns and marching herself right out to New York! woo! She will be definitely missed!

As for me, I've been working on a few projects here and there. Some of my footage from various party hot spots here in PDX will be used in the feature documentary "Faded" about binge drinking and girls. I also shot a small promo with a local hip hop artists named Luck One earlier last month and I like the result! Peep it:



I will post photos and videos later etc as time comes, I am seriously just killing time before I have to go to workkk :[ haha but I got to hang sesh with this band last night called the red jumpsuit apparatus which was fun, mostly just drinking on a tour bus haha

So, to summize this short update, life is good, my weekends are blurry and I'm making the best of what I got. School is back in a few months and then I'll be a slave to the world of books and my computer screen.

till next time!

-Seb.

words from a rum filled mouth

so i have to stipulate that at this moment and time i am very well under the influence of rum..good rum not angry rum.

let's see school is over till oct. and i got awesome grades..which were..well awesome! haha

got broken up with and yea can't get her out of my mind, so i'm being a jerk..i figure if she totally hates me then she won't bother and if she don't bother then i won't feel like trying again.

i keep watching stories about good relationships, where the hell is mine?

i met this one girl i should have met years later and now it just feels like this upset stomach that i can't get rid of...and i think she knows this.

oh panda.

i will write more when i can look at the computer screen right;]

<3panda.

I put holes in my new jeans for you.

So from various observations I realized that for as many times that i've felt rejected I have done the same to others times a 100.

In my head I need something to make it all just come together. The whys and the why nots need some kind of answer which one ends up dwelling upon for longer than needed. Time is what will make it go away because sooner or later you stop giving a fuck haha I believe it's still harsh because it's been a few years since i let my heart take over my brain and what I feared most ended up happening and thus I feel like an idiot.

I should have known better, I have should have noticed that for some reason when you treat people like shit they want you more, treat them nicely and they don't take. So where is the happy median in that? I suppose that's what it means to know you've met a soul mate of some kind. The time period when you find a nice in between and the compromises are equal and heart felt.

who knows. I almost like feeling this way, the anxiety you get from asking oh what are the up to now? who are they with? did they get together while I was with them? is a weird creative drive.

I've also realized that I'm no longer at an age where just any girl will do. If i want something physical, i can get that, not to be cocky, but that's not a difficult thing to achieve. The hard part is finding something far more tangible and where the longing is sufficient, where it hurts not to be around them, where one smile or glimpse sends your muscles vibrating with warmth.

I have felt that two times in my life..almost three as of last month but i don't know if it was right anymore.

the crappy thing is knowing that it's going to happen again and again. What's that quote from almost famous?

"if you never take it seriously, you never get hurt, if you never get hurt, then you always have fun, and if you ever get lonely you just go to the record store and visit your friends."

too bad record stores are shutting down left and right, and even if I could find one..my friends wouldn't be there haha

I wonder if the itunes store has a chat room? haha go dorky panda.

This goes out to you rad bitch.

Today I feel like drowning.

your hair. black, blond, white.

the smell works paths through the space between our lips.

each breath fills up a few more hours to which we counted anniversaries.

it comes and goes, back and forth.

1, 2...no more. so now i'm confused..what to do.

do you? are you? what are you? should i stay?

if i go, will you remember me? is it relevant? do you care? i care.

you don't care.

i play the way you looked, in my head. you are celluloid in motion.

that perfect movie siren, striped from head to toe with accurate lighting.

and every angle made your face glow with emotion.

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

<3

The cause of happyness

she walked tall with bright eyes.

she was what i wanted.


but she didn't want me.


so i sat back and heard her voice on the receiver.

i cried into my pillow and she felt a calmness run over her.

i can wait. i will wait. how long?

It's all perspectives

why does it take a bottle of whiskey to figure out what's good for you is right in front of your face?

consequently i've noticed that all my best ideas and perspectives come when im at the height of pure intoxication. No wonder the best writers in the world were drug addicts or drunks.

the only problem is that its easy to get distracted and ideas that seem so perfect at that distinct moment in the morning don't look as pretty.

i find myself whirling down this odd rabbit hole where i can't quite figure if the way im feeling (yes over a person) is the best for me. is it that they aren't ready? am i not ready? who knows, but its certainly turning into a bigger deal than it should be.

its 10:30 am or so, im terribly hungover, i spent a lot of money i don't have last night, i really hope pay checks come today.

in other news:

- finals are almost done. spring break here i come.

- i made another video for a party here in town! peep diss:



- i really really really really like a girl...who lives in Portland for once! haha shockerrrrrr

that is all.

<3pandabear.